Is this the End of Our Rainbow?

So we have completed our first run of Total Eclipse at Etcetera Theatre in Camden! Many things seemed to block our way to get to this point. On reflection maybe the show needed to take the very circuitous route that is has. We certainly gathered and included the additional material that came to us en route! – new inspiration, injury and very sadly the loss of my oldest friend Annie.It has been exhausting, joyful, fully alive, overwhelming and deeply satisfying.Jose and I had our first proper argument skillfully facilitated by our director Jonathan by leaving us to ‘take ownership of the show and get on with it’ on the third night – let’s call it a controlled experiment in separation anxiety!Anyway our anger (fear) towards each other helped to open up new channels of connection and it was no coincidence I believe that the show took flight the following night !We have all worked so closely together on the show on material that is of course deeply personal to us. Some of the anxiety has been about whether we had in any way found the right balance of ingredients. Is it honouring enough of the deep grief for our mothers in the play of falling from grace and being full size that is theatre clown ?I could feel the breath of the audience at times shallow, slightly held, at others the sweep of a deep exhale.LaughterI remember looking into your eyes and seeing the shine of you right behind them….Those magical words fed back after the performance –‘ I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry….I did a lot of both’Thank you for your kind attention and for sharing our ritual; our way of saying goodbye and wish that those of us left behind can in some way feel less alone…..maybe even laugh a little at what death confronts us with……

A Step Forward

Searching for you

in high places?

I dare to level my gaze

To see how lost I am

With no trace of you

I breathe inI breathe outI brush passed your soulI dare to level my gaze

To expand into here

And take a step forward.